Hating myself

Hate is ugly. Hating someone is unhealthy and wrong. Jesus didn't hate anyone and neither should anyone else. Hating someone is like gorging out your brain with a scaulding metal pole. Whats worse than hating someone? Hating yourself. Because when you hate someone, at least you can get away from them. When you hate yourself, its like the purest form of torture. You are bound to yourself by the largest organ in the human body and your soul falls victim. I guess there are two ways to approach this situation. A. Kill yourself    B. Change how you feel about yourself    C. Change yourself   I bet you are wondering why I hate myself. Well, there are too many levels of hate to go through in one blog so I'll just make it simple. I'm Satan's Child. Not only do I lure people into trusting me and stab them in the back, but I do it again, and again. I am an awful person. a few minutes I was heading toward option A and then I realized that it would solve absolutely nothing and possibly make everything worse. And then I thought about option B and said "screw the world. they have no right to judge me. I'm only human" but all that does is alienate myself from all the people I truly care about. So option C is the only thing left. Changing myself. This is incredibly difficult. Changing who you are. Its almost as agonizing as hating myself. But I want to change because hating myself and knowing that the only people who love me unconditionally hate me as well is the most wreached thing to feel in a lifetime. and I feel it almost constantly. Now, you people can go on hating me. It's your right as a human with agency, but I'm done hating myself and although some decisions have lead me to darker places, I'm glad I made them. Yea, I'm glad. because now I'm stronger and when I succeed more than you imagined I could, I'm going to hug you and thank you for making me hate myself.