PC Holiday

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Thats for all of you who are too afraid to say it anymore.

Vegas Miracles

So I'm sitting here at the Vegas airport and the first thing I see is slot machiens. They are jingle-jangling as people attempt to hit the jack pot. I'm sitting next to a woman who won't stop talking about hot dogs and why its sacreligious to put a hot dog in a bagel. Her husband is a big galumphing man who looks like an orgre. I was being a terrible person and making fun of him in my mind and then he did an amazing thing. He offered his wife his coffee. "Do you want a sip? Or the whole thing? I could get a new one if you want."
I know this seems menial and sort of dumb but it truely touched me. This man loves his wife enough to give her his coffee or get a whole new one for her. I don't know, you just don't see these kinds of people anymore. I hope I have made that kind of impression on someone.

By the way, my flight here from Salt Lake went off without a hitch. I sat in the second row next to the window and nobody sat next to me. I tried to sleep, but because I haven't slept in 24 hours I didn't trust myself that I would wake up in time to catch my connection flight. Anyway, my flight is running about 25 minutes late and I'm pretty happy because it gives me a nice break from having all that potential energy bottled up underneath me.

If you can't Beat it, Eat it

So in case you haven't heard, it's snowing in Rexburg. Lots and lots of snow. As snow melts and refreezes, it creates sheets of ice on the ground making it a pain in the (butt) to walk to class because you slip every five steps. Most of the ground is covered in snow, but there are some parts that are just cement or whatever. The tricky part about walking is trying to desipher if there is ice beneath the snow or if it's just snow. I used to think I knew when there was ice and when there wasn't, but after spending copious amounts of time with my butt smaking the freezing streets, I've decided to avoid the snowy parts all together. I slip a lot less and my shoes don't get as wet. So even though it takes me more time to get from A to B, I take the snowless path.
Now pretend life is a sidewalk in Rexburg and the snow is the sins of the world. The snow make look pretty for the moment, but I promise you will regret tromping through it after you have to thaw your feet. Even though you think you can make it across the icy trail, you will probably slip and fall. That's why its good to have friends to pick you back up when you slip and help you find your way back to the clear way.

I've decided to take my revenge against the snow. One day last week, I took a bowl outside and scooped up some snow. I set it on the kitchen table and looked at it. With flavorings, sugar, and water, I boiled up a simple syrup and poured it over the snow. I had made a literal snow cone. With the fire in my eyes and my furrowed eye brows I began to eat the snow. That'll teach it.

The Case of the Missing Toilet Paper

Normal people use toilet paper right? So is it odd for me to ask where the toilet paper is when I go to grab a roll? Most people aren't secretly using animal skins and leaves right? So tell me why, when I asked my roommate where the toilet paper is, she scoffed at me. Seriously. Now my interest is peeked.
This is the case of the missing toilet paper.
So I began investigating becuase no one survive without this valuable resource. My sources lead me to an odd conclusion. The toilet paper is... (pause for dramatic effect) at the freaken STORE!!! Apparently my roommates believe that the toilet paper just magically appears overnight from the magic toilet paper fairy. I've bought toilet paper three times this semester and that totals to around 40 rolls. I think I've paid my dues. Buy some effing toilet paper you slakers!!! Holy crap. Y'all are just gonna have to survive off paper towels as I sparingly use my secret stash of toilet paper.

Misfit

It's amazing how easy it is to claim the title of "The Terrible and Troublesome" child when I'm being compared to "The Amazing and Perfect" one.

Toothpaste

So yesterday my face was covered in a massive breakout. Zits galore! And I'm an impatient person and I wanted them to be gone asap. I researched how to clear up zits over night and one of the options was to put ice on your face for 10 mins... hmm do I want to freeze my face off? No thank you. Next, put Visine on the zits to decrease the redness... I've done that and it doesnt work. Next, mix 50 avacados and a pound of active yeast and a bucket of lemon juice and let it sit there for 6 hours... okay I'm exagerating but I hate those home remedy masks 1. they smell bad and 2. they don't work. So finally I got to the suggestion of putting toothpasts on a zit and letting it sit over night. Worth a shot. So I put some Crest Whitening Toothpaste, because thats what I had and this morning I woke up with relatively no zits at all. Who woulda thougth?!

All the World's a Stage

Lately, I have been feeling incredibly deafeated. Defeated by everything. I have been feeling like I am the gum on the bottom of Life's shoe. But things changed tonight. Tonight, I took the stage.
I went to Sammy's, an swesome little hambuger joint in town, and performed for the first time in months. I was extremely nervous before the performance, but once I got on stage and saw the audience looking at me, I felt like I was flying. I felt like the whole world was under my dominion. I was powerful and beautiful and courageous! I felt like me again. I sang perfectly and I felt in total control. It was as if God gave me a sleeping baby to watch over. I forgot how much I love to perform. I forgot the total rush of giving my soul as a sacrifce to the audience. It is the best feeling in the world. I belong on stage. I think I'm going to make it a weekly habbit to go sing. It makes me feel compitent and radient. Oh what a lovely night!

Muchness

When I was younger, I was introduced to a flower. The petals were yellow and close together like a young tulip. The stem and leaves were lime green, very bright indeed. I was told that the sap of the stem tasted just like lemon candy. The stem was split open and I saw the translucent sap ooz and drip. I was told to taste it.
Would you taste it? What if the person who was telling you to taste it was somebody that you trusted? Well, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't taste it if someone were to ask me to taste the sap today. But, when a little 7 year old girl is told something as impossible as flower sap tasting like lemon candy, she believes. I tasted the sap and it really did taste like lemon candy.
Why is it that as we grow up and learn more, things make less and less sence. When we are young, we don't need things to make sense. We can be friends with a boy who pushed our friend five minutes ago and it is perfectly okay. When we are younger, we don't judge what people are wearing, or how they talk, or what their intellectual apptitude is. Why can't we be little kids again?
To quote the mad hatter of Alice and Wonderland : "You used to be much more...'muchier.' You've lost your muchness."
I think we all loose our muchness as we grow up. This is why it is rare to find someone who still dreams of being an astronaut, president of the United States, or a brain surgeon. I miss my muchness.

Obama

So, for my American Foundations class, we have these weekly tension analysis worksheets that require us to read opinion editorials. We then have to disect the little monsters and tell whether these articals show any kind of tension with in our modern society. We must also be completely unbiased and not take a side. This week, we are talking about a couple of articles which discuss Obama's presidency. The two articles are oposing, the first says that Obama hasn't done anything and that he is a lame president, the second says that Obama is still new to the office and just to give him a break. Okay, how much of that made sence to you? Give Obama a break?! Why would we give Obama a break?!!!!
He is RUNNING A COUNTRY!
Not babysitting toddlers! There is no room to give the president a break! It's like light the fire under your touche before your "subjects" do. Get going or get out!
Sigh.... I'm going to have to work really hard to stay unbiased on this one.

Take Me Home!

So in my math class we are at the finances section, and let me tell you, I am not enjoying it at all. Thinking about money and spending it and not having enough and being in debt seriously stresses me out! This is making me realize how much I have been babied all my life. I don't understand budgeting at all and I'm freaking out about spending money. This whole college life stuff is showing me what a grown up I'm not. I don't like it at all. I know what you're going to say, "That's life, Sammie. Grow up." And trust me I'm telling myself the same thing. But still it's just one more thing to add to my plate. I'm failing classes and I have no friends and I'm getting treated like dirt by people I trusted and it's cold and I'm sick and I'm eating a lot because I'm stressed and I'm still incredibly homesick and my sleeping habbits are at an all time wierd and my ear is begining to frustrate me and I get headaches everyday and I feel ugly and I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!!!! I hate it here. I'm not gonna lie. I mean I realize that I can't leave, because where else would I go? I need to finish school and get away from the valley. I know this is "good for me" but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Maybe if I had friends here, I would be happy. I want to find someone who needs me as much as I need them. Thats what I have with Aly and Amia, but I don't have that here. I know that it takes a while to make friends but.. sigh. I just wanna go home.
=(

Winter is fast approaching

                                              I turned my back for one second and then
                                  BOOM

                                                                           snow
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I want to go home

I'm going to ask you for just one minute to see things from my perspective.
I'm a college student who is living far away from everyone who proved to me they are trust worthy. I'm cold and damp and the only comfort I get is when I listen to rock music.
Rock music reminds me of my dad. It reminds me of the KISS concert, the day after Thanksgiving when we hung up lights, whenever my car needed work he would teach me, a quick clean up around the house before mom came home, any heavy lifting, 4-H, and of course John Wayne. The truth is, that when I lived in the valley, I never appriciated the time I spent with my dad. I never understood the special bond between and father and daughter, but now while I'm here, alone, thats all I want. I want my daddy. I want the comfort of a big daddy bear hug and his dorky smile when I say something sarcastic, and his calm voice. I love my dad.
I don't think my roommates appeciate it much that I blare KISS and Van Halen, but, to put it frankly, they can suck it.
Speaking of roomates, I've had some troubles. Kelsey, the girl who actually shares the bedroom with me has made me want to jump off the balcony. At first, we were really good friends and we told each other everything. She and I bonded over a lot of similar experiences. Recently, she haas been really mean. She says things that are rude and inconciderate and she did something that made me loose all faith in her.
See, Kelsey loves making treats for people she wants to butter up. She says its service but we all know that its only service to herself. Well, its not uncommon for her to ask me to help her deliver and I always do. This time she wanted me to deliver a plate of peanut butter things to one of our home teachers, Jordan Waite. She and Jordan have a love hate relationship. She is always mean to him and he puts up with it. I don't know. Its confusing. Anyway I went and delivered it and we had a pleasant conversation. He saw that there was a letter enclosed in the plate of treats and he said, "there is probably a nasty note in here from Kelsey isn't there?" and I just nodded. anyway we said our goodbyes and I went back to my apartment. When i got back in Kelsey asked me what took so long and I just said that Jordan and I were talking. Then she looked at me and said "dont be mad okay?" and I said... "okkkaay" Aparently, in the note she gave Jordan, it said that I was abusive and that I need to meet with the bishop for my violent behavior.
When she told me that, I felt like such a fool. 1. I trusted her 2. I had just walked into a trap so incredibly blind to everything 3. I had hand delivered this letter to Jordan. I wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed.
Ever since then, I have been avoiding her at all costs. I'm sleeping on the couch now. Well, at least I was until she decided that she wanted to sleep on the couch. That pissed me off because I finally found a spot that I was comfortable and she took it. Anyway I cant wait to get out of here. I hate it.
I thought that being at a Mormon college meant that I would be dealing with a higher class of people but aparently its middle school all over again.

Concert

So tonight I went to the Collegiate Choir and Vocal Union Choral Concert. It reminded me so much of home in so many ways. 1. Everyone was in even dress like when my momma and I would go to the Civic Center for theater productions. 2. The Choir was in a concert arc like in band. 3. I almost fell asleep like the one time my grandma took me to a concert and I fell asleep 4. The director's coat tails flapped as he conducted and it reminded me of roach wings.
The music was beautiful. It wasn't just boring choral stuff, but their songs had deep and haunting melodies. it was like being in a movie soundtrack of a war film. Their voices were so powerful and perfect. I am so glad I went.

Will Sing for Food

I never wrote songs to please people. I write how I feel and what I feel and if people like it then yay and if they don't then I'm not heart broken becasue I wrote them for me anyway.
Well, as it so happens, my roomies like my music. So I'm selling my CD's for $4 to my roomies and hopefully the word will spread around Greenbrier and I can make some bank. That would be awesome =)
Anyway, I have only sold two, but I see big things happening with this.

Fighting a Storm

The best way to watch a storm is from within the comforts of your own home. That is, of course until you realize that your bff is out there alone. Then guilt floods in and you have to go get them. And since they decide to stay outside and fight the storm, you have no choice but to stay and fight with them. After all, they would have done the same for you. When the storm is over, it is likely that you both will conjure up some kind of illness that you either both die from or both eventually get over. In the unlikely case that only one of you dies, the other will sit at their bedside until the fatal moment arrives. And that is what true love and friendship is. Fighting a storm together.

My Music

Click this link to listen to my music



http://www.myspace.com/393722112/music-player?sindex=-1.0&shuffle=false&amix=false&pmix=false&plid=41678&artid=11341184&profid=393722112&friendid=393722112&sseed=0&ptype=3&stime=0&ap=1&rpeat=false

Phobias

pho·bi·a 

–noun

a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.

Origin:
1780–90; extracted from nouns ending in -phobia

Synonyms:
aversion, hatred.

I have an odd phobia of the number 6, formally called Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. No joke. Anyway, I feel God has been playing around with my head. I live in apartment 16, attend the 66th ward, am in group 6 of my American Foundations class, am in slot 6 for our in-class teaching, and I have 6 classes. Sometimes I feel like looking up and saying "It's not funny".

 

In other news, my knee hurts like mad! For the past couple of days its been flaring up and I just want to cry. Also, I have been having strange hallucinations. The other night I could have sworn my ears had grown twice their size. Today, I saw the side of my Sentsy candle bubbling. I must be either super stressed or tired.

Sleepless Nights

No sleep. I have class in two hours, my family and best friend are coming up, I have an audition tomorrow, and I'm running on no sleep. I don't know why I cant sleep lately. I have had no problems with it the past month or so but all of a sudden I've been going without sleep.
Maybe it's the scary dreams. Last night, I met Satan... again. She was a woman this time. She was torturing people and making them forget their lives. My roommate Kesley was hit the hardest. Satan was breaking her bones and scattering her brain without even touching her. She was all contorted and such. I won't get that image out of my head for a while. I saw people in a dim lit, institutional building. It was grey and black. I heard screams and moans. I was scared and frantic. It seemed like I was the only one who wasnt crazy. I held as tight as I could to God. I kneeled down to pray and I felt the beautiful warmth. Then I suddenly felt cold and empty. My heart was wrenched and my soul was aching. I heard the sounds of agony ringing in my head. All of Hell was released into my mind. I have never been so frightened in my life. I felt sharp pains in my side as Satan, who was standing behind me, shoved needles in me and sucked out blood til I passed out. I woke up in a white room. I saw her, not her face, but her legs. she was wearing a black skirt and panty hose. As I gained consiousness I realized that she was visible, but not tangable. She stroked my head but all I felt was shivers of cold bumps go down my spine. Oh, I hated this being. I cringed at her moaning voice. I began to whisper another prayer and I slowly felt His warmth again. And as the first time I felt the cold chills as she began screaming "HE DOESN'T EXISTS! STOP PRAYING! HE WONT HEAR YOU!" She stuck the needles in me again and began sucking the blood out of me and as I felt myself getting weaker, I also grew stronger. I got the needles laying on the floor and stuck them in her leg. I know it doens't make sence, but she began bleeding and screaming. (I took the oportunity to flee) It was the most skin crawling scream and her shrill shreaks echoed down the hall I was now running through.
I finally got outside to view and blood red moon and melting stars across the sky. the trees were ashen and the ground was bubbling. I staggered down to a kneel and once again uttered, "Dear Lord, give me strength" Inside my head the powerful voice proclaimed her presence. I could feeling myself falling under her control. Like the shatter of glass, the bones in my hands broke one by one. Consistant with the beats on my heart, I heard the snaps of my bones. I was in such agony. and as I was about to give up, I heard a voice as calm as an autumn breeze thunder in my head, "Save her." I had to go save kelsey. I mustered up all the strength I had left and ran back into the building.
The screaming had grown and the bodies were more mangled. they reached out for me with longing eyes and I was the terror in their faces. My heart crumbled inside me. I ran to every room on every floor and couldn't find Kelsey anywhere. My heart raced.
And then I woke up

Dreaming

If you know anything about me, you know that I'm a firm believer in personal revelation by dreams. For example, I was having a hard time deciding if I should ask Sebastian to the Prom. One night, I had a dream that I had asked him and he said yes, so I decided to go for it and he said yes and it was an amazing night.
The other night I had a dream that I was interviewing a giant bat and writing down everything he was saying. He had huge teeth, long ears, and wings that stretched father than my own arms can. I bet you are thinking, "Sammie, you arent going to be interviewing a large bat any time soon". While that may be, I looked up what a bat and writting signify and they both are bad omens. And wouldn't you guess it, two bad things happened the next day.
The point of telling you all of this is this next paragraph.
Last night, I had an amazing dream. I walking home from class and this guy came up and decided to walk me home. We were just walking and talking and then BOOM!!!! He kissed me. It was nice te he. So now this dream is throwing me off. I looked it up and it says that a kiss in a dream means a new love afair. I don't know.

Public Bathrooms

Public Bathrooms.
Have you ever noticed all the percautions they take to make sure that the bathroom stays sanitary? They have automatic everything now so that you don't get any of ur nasty germs on anything. Some places even have doors that open automatically (I get a little worried about that. It could be awkward). But one thing that they havent figured out is how to make two ply toilet paper and dispencers that arent so emotionally attatched to the toilet paper. It's like seriously?! I just want three sheets. Just Three!!!! But alas, we are forced to whipe with one sheet... and if we are lucky then two. This problem creates all sorts of awkward situations that I won't go into. And that is why I avoid public bathrooms at all costs.

Statistics

Today in my math class, I learned that when I role a die, there is a 100% chance that I may or may not roll a 6.

Facebook and Rain

I love that people use Facebook to verify their lives. No one is blameless on this. We all do it. I especially love the people who say things along the lines of "OMG did you hear that so and so are in a relationship? It's on Facebook and everything!" like Facebook has the final say on what is factual.
It rained today. Took long enough. But the break from the sun was welcomed with open arms. There were three rainbows in the sky. It made me think of how in literature, three represents power. I took it as a sign that God needs me to be strong. That's how I interpreted it anyway.

Clouds

I knew from the moment I woke up that there was something strange going on.
I looked out the window and there were things in the sky.They are kind of grey and puffy. Aly was telling me about them. She said she had seen them on National Geographic. I think they are called clouds.

Manifestations and Potlucks

There are ways that God manifests things to us. Today, he manifested to me that I had way more cuts on my legs than I realized when I was in the shower and the hot water ran over and burned my wounds. It was nearly too much to bear and I stepped out and sat on the toilet. It took all the courage I could muster to finish my shower. I turned the water to a cooler temperature and tried to forget the fact that my legs were throbbing.
Today, I went to a potluck in the Greenbier lodge. I had almost nothing to offer other than canned tuna and tomato soup. When I realized that I had tortillas and fake cheese, my hometown blood began to surge. I fried up some quesodillas. I had people ask me for the recipe. I was thinking, "Well, first you have to be poor and then be compelled to buy food that seems to have no correlation. The true magic happens when you get invited to a potluck and you are forced to throw something together." I told them that it was inspired by my hometown.

I went to a Cave

Tonight, I was in a cave with the taste of glostix in my mouth and a cut on my thigh. How did I get there?

I had nothing to do tonight and I was bored. Tori asked me if I wanted to go with her to the ice caves and play hide and seek. I thought about it for a minute and then said of course I'd go because I have never been in a cave before. I immediately thought to bring my knife and flashlight. I had my knife but I had no idea where my flishlight was. I looked around everywhere and then I thought to ask Kelsey if she had seen it because I had remembered having it in her car when we had a bon fire. It sorta pissed me off that she was being so reluctant about it. The simple act of her neglagence would lead to a terrible disaster on my part. I hope she feels bad. We left our apartment by around 8 or so and walked to the other side of campus to another apartment complex. Outside the front of the compex there was a sign that said "Marriage Garunteed" and I rolled my eyes and thought about how completely and disgustingly Mormon that was. So I stole a 3 inch spire from the top of their fence. Tori and I were waiting to meet with Boux and his cousin who is Tori's animal handling class. Anyway we finally met up with them and some other people. There were like 7 of us in this little car. It took us about an hour to actually get out there and when we reached the road leading to the caves we got out and jumped into the back of a truck.
I counted 21 teens in the truck.
The ride in the truck was tedious since I was sitting on the edge and had to hold on for dear life if I had any chance of surviving. We finally reached the caves about 10 or so. I'm not really sure what time it was because Boux has this rule about locking up the phones while he is driving so all conversations are centered within the car. Which I guess is cool... Anyway we get there and we see this cave and its ominous and dark and there was about one flashlight to every 6 people. It was super dangerous with all the rocks and such but nontheless we entered the dark and scary cave.
It was a while after we had stumbling through the dark that anyone near me questioned about 1. how far into the cave we were going and 2. where the front of our group was. We all silently agreed to keep walking and just figure it out. At last it seemed as though we had finally reached our group, but then a strange thing started happening. They were getting feisty and yelling at us to shut our lights off. At first I was confused because they were telling us to stay by the wall. It felt as though we were entering an unfriendly area. I finally figured out that this was a totally different group whose game we were completely distroying by having just our menial amount of lights. There were harsh words said between the groups. A man from the enemy's side pointed out that by having our lights, it diminished glow of the glowstix. Then being the diplomat that I am, I quaintly spoke out "If you have charity, Jesus will bless you and your glowstix will endure. So shut up and just let us pass" It seemed to shut them up because no more words were said between the two groups. We passed peacefully on and just around the corner our group was hundled on top of a huge pile of boulders.
Making my way up the rocks was tricky. They were wet and steep, but by holding on to Tori's hand, I was able to get up the boulders successfully... untill....
           the light had severely dimmed and I was feeling for a safe area to place my foot. It wasnt till after I had comitted to the step and felt my leg get wedged within the rocks that I realized that I only felt air. It was dark so not many people saw me fall, but the man who did was nice enough to help me up. His name was Joe. Joe walked me over to a safe place to sit and asked me if I was okay. I responded, "Well, there is a scratch on my leg the size of my face, I feel like I was punched in the stomache and the ovaries, and I hit my head.... but other than that I'm superb" Joe laughed and said that if ever I neeeded help or just wanted to quit the game I could just yell his name. So I practiced and he pretended to be impressed. I just sat there and let the crowd of 60 stumble around me. We were all handed glowsticks that were cut open and on the count of three we waved our arms out and spilt the insides all over ourselves. It was one of the most magical things I've ever seen. All the rocks glowed and we glowed. The roof of the cave glowed. I felt like I was in the middle of a moonless night. The magic died when some blonde chick flicked her glowstick right at my face and got it in my mouth and eyes. It hurt and tasted like Hitler's stache... just terrible. I didnt bother to really play the game. I just sat there and watched the rest of the glowing bodies blend in with the rocks and lay still. I was incredibly impressed with how well they blended.
After a couple rounds, the same chick who flicked me in the eye with her neon pink liquid was it. Wonderful. I was seated on my rock and not even pretending like I was at all interested in what was happening. She counted up to 60. She looked up and walked straight up to me. "This person is incredibly obvious. That's a stupid hidding place." I looked up at her and told her that I wasnt playing and that I hadnt been this whole time. She took it as though I were being a poor sport and I just didnt want to be "it". And after she got me sufficiently annoyed, she let it go.
By this time I was completely fed up with imminent death and I just wanted to take a step without the fear of loosing a limb. It was about 11.
The group of people we came with decided to go one more round. I took off my jacket so I was completely black and no one could see me and I started making my way back out of the cave. It was a long jurney, but finally I saw stars. Not neon pink green and yellow. But serious stars. I was so happy. I climbed into the back of the truck and we made the long trip home.
Some people say that these kinds of experiences are what college is all about. Adventure, action, and the threat of loosing your life to rocks... I think God put this experience in my life so that I could see what a great friend Tori could be. The entire time she was holding my hand and checking up on me. I feel really bad for bagging on her and thinking all these terrible things about her. She really is a great girl and I just hope she can always be this wonderful because the side I saw from her tonight was beautiful.

General Conference

Today the first two sessions of the General Conference were broadcast. It was normal. Speakers, music, and prayers. I suppose i didnt listen to it with the right spirit or a soft heart because it didn't touch me like I was hoping it would. I feel that this is the closest I've been to God since I was 14, but I just didnt feel inspired. They were good talks, but I didn't feel that they particularly pertained to me. I must disfunctional.
Its funny how these college Mormons act around General conference time. It's like Christmas for them. They all organize potlucks and breakfasts, and sleepovers. It's pretty funny.

Just a side Note

I just decided that Tori doesnt remind me of Amia at all. Amia is much more pleasant.

October

So its October. Its this part of the year that i miss the valley most... probably because this is the only time the valley is a pleasant place to be. I love the mornings when the air is crisp and my bed is nice and warm and I can here music and the sound of clanking dishes. I walk our to the kitchen to greet my mother baking an apple something or another and she says "BEAN! Good morning   sleepy head. I thought it would be nice to let you sleep in. We do have a lot to do today so get some breakfast, get dressed, and come out ready to work." I miss that so much. I miss the saturdays when my dad is home and he too celebrates my awakening. He'd say "Beanie's awake!" and give me a huge hug. In the past I've only responded with a grunt and or a moan, but if it were this morning i would smile and hug them tight and tell how much I love them.
There is something magical about October.

Tori, my roomie, well she's insane, but things have gotten better. She's seeing a councilor and I talked to the bishop about how to handle her. I prayed really hard that Tori would feel the love that we have for her and my prayer was answered. One night we were sitting in my room and we were talking about who knows what and then there was a pause and I said, "Tori, I love you." And instead of a rebuttle which would be totally natural for her, she smiled and said that she loved me too. It was a beautiful moment.

Well, I really have to get going. I have homework due in an hour and I havent even started it.

Going Deaf

So today I had an interesting experience. I went deaf. Only for a couple seconds, but there was a moment when i couldn't hear anything. I was so nervous. I already have a bad left ear and sometimes i cant hear anything out of it, but then my right ear went blank. I'm really nervous. I better start learning ASL

"They only kidnap lesbians in Rexburg"

Fear. Everyone has fear... yes, even Chuck Norris. My biggest fear is getting kidnapped.
So last night I was having a hard time and I just needed an out. Kesley, my roommate, took me for a drive out in the middle of nowhere. It was really freaky.. kinda. We decided to get out and go for a walk. We talked and walked back. On our way back to the car we saw a pair of headlights and I was all "thats creepy". And then it stopped and I freaked out a little more, but Kelsey asured me that there was a stop sign there. And then the car turned and came toward us. I seriously freaked out. Kelsey tried to hold my hand and then I pulled away and was all "no they are gonna think we are lesbians!" she laughed and said "because they only kidnap lesbians in Rexburg" I was hyperventalating and the car stopped next to us and rolled down the window. In the passanger seat there was a nice young girl and she said "Are you guys alright?" lol it took me a long time to calm down. lol

College Life Sucks

There are no exciting things to say about today. My flatmate is going mad, the guy I like is crazy in love with another girl (I let that slip right through my fingers), and I'm sick with my fourth cold this year. 1. My flatmate, Tori, is going through a... "rough patch". She is so man hungry it's insane, she's on her period, and her roommate is ditching her for her new boyfriend. I feel bad for her, i really do, but when she is grunting and groaning all the time it's time to call it quits. I love her, poor child, but she needs to find a new way to deal with her problems than take it out on everyone around her. 2. The guy I like, Ryan... He's so cute! Blonde and blue eyes. He's super nice and we get along great. We met at a bonfire and we hit it off right away. He even asked for my number xoxo. But then he met Ashley... I never get along with girls named Ashley. Never have, Never will. He is crazy in love with her cute curly brown hair and her dorky quirks and her lean figure. FML. So I suppose it goes without saying that I feel so dumb for working myself up over him. He's just a guy. I've decided to look at it like "There must be someone better out there for me" or at least thats what I want to believe. I still think he's cute though... 3. I've got a cold. That makes me even more homesick. I wish I was cuddling with my mom right now eating some of her amazing corn bread and chili. I miss home so bad. It's wonderful here, but I really just want my friends and family. Anyway so now I'm stuck in a realm of odds mishaps and wrong classes. I have to live with beezy women on their periods and a super depressed, man hungry troll, and to top it all off I'm so sick of microwavable meals. I wish the three months could be over.

Demolition Derby

So last night I went to a demolition derby. I have never been to one so I was excited. So we got there and there was smokers, drinkers, cussers, and really dirty people. Some were missing teeth. We finally found  spot to sit and waited for the nxt round to start. They leveled out the mud and brought all the cars in. They counted down from 5 and when they reach one all Hell broke loose. The drivers were slamming into each other, getting stuck in the mud, and busting tires and radiators. I was horrified. I seriously did try to have a good time but all I could think was "I wonder how many people here are litterate". And its not that I think I am better than them in any way it just wasnt my scene. And to top it all off a man in suspenders with long blonde hair knelt down in mud, in the middle of the arena, in front of all these rednecks and proposed to a girl... and she was dumb enough to say yes. Mud, broken cars, drunk rednecks... yea that screams romance to me. If a guy ever wants to propose to me it better not be in mud or in public or in any place where there are glorified bumper cars. It was an intersting night topped of my now present cold and cough.

Collegic Bean

Hello all,
Well, I'm just begining a huge step in life: going to college. So far its been a blast. I have jumped off a 30 foot bridge into a freezing river(as seen aboce), hung out at a bonfire with a million people i didnt know, went to an outdoor concert outside Sammy's, went to a concert in the dunes, and played volleyball with some of my apartment buddies. I love my roomies. Kelsey and Tori remind me of Aly and Amia so its fun and depressing at the same time. I really miss home but I dont cry as often anymore. I really miss my animals. OMG this guy has a pet black widow in his apartment. That cant be a good thing. I mean its in a cage but still if that sucker gets out I will never make cocoa for him again lol. This place is crazy. Couples everywhere. its like the college issued out magnets and i didnt get mine. Seriously couples are popping up everywhere after only two weeks. Its really wierd. Two weeks... feels like i've been here for a year and 7 days cuz everything moves so slow. I have to walk everywhere. I didnt know how much I liked walking untill i had to do it. its nice. The uphill stuff isnt all that amazing but still. Its really beautiful here.