Change

Change. For some reason that word scares me more than any other. Maybe because with change you loose things... like friends. I'm hoping to not lose friends during my period of change. It was all I was thinking about until I read this quote:
“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

I hope my friends believe this too.

I'm Angry

So I went for a walk this morning with my grandma and my uncle. It was pleasent and it was a beautiful day. By the end of the walk, however, I started coughing. It was nothing at first and then I started having a hard time breathing and I was coughing harder. My grandma took me back to her house where I had parked my car and I sipped some water. I was all itchy and my breathing got worse. I finally just got up and told her that I needed my inhaler now. I drove home, coughing my brains out the whole way. I was crying and driving and coughing and dying all at once. I finally got home and found my inhaler and then just laid on the floor shaking. It was then that I noticed that there was a huge rash from the middle of my thigh to the middle of my calf. I called my grandma and she said to take a shower and that seemed to really help. After I took a shower, my dad dropped by like he always does and seemed totally unconcerned with the fact that I had an asthma attack. And he must have reported that I was just being a lazy turd because not too long after that my mom called sounding upset. She told me that I could not just lay around today and that she really needed me to clean. She was informed before this call that I had had an asthma attack. I had an ASTHMA ATTACK! Not an asthma visit or and asthma just dropping by. I was attacked! Why then was everyone acting so casual about it? Not only were they casual, but they were angry with me. Well, let me be the first to apologize for not being able to breathe.
To put it simply, I'm angry. I'm very angry. and just a little bit hurt. =[
Mostly angry

What is Normal?

Only two more days in Canada. Today my mom wants to go visit a world renowned bagle shop. With my surgery there are good days and bad days... today is not a good day. I'm super sleepy, my staples are bugging me, my tummy is upset. It's just not good. I don't wanna go visit a bagle shop because even if we get there and its amazing, I still wont be able to eat anything and I'll just be sitting there watching my mom eat. I don't want to go. But I don't want her to go by herself and I won't stop her from going to something she never knew she always wanted to go to.
One of my staples came halfway out last night when I was sleeping. I just kinda scooted it back in.
Its crazy how many things you don't notice to be normal when everything is normal. I find myself looking forward to more normal things. Like actually hicupping without feeling like my tummy is about to explode. Or saying things like "one of my staples shimmied out last night"

Guitarless

I'm not sure how much you have heard about the crazy storms going on on the east coast, but they are crazy bad and being as that I'm on the east coast of Canada, we are getting hit with the storm too. We got a foot of snow yesterday. Thankfully however, it's beautiful today. My mom and I decided to do some exploring so we hopped on the metro and landed in Second Cup which is a cafe chain here in Canada. We are also in the Latin quarter. It's kinda like little Italy in new York. Across the street there is an old theater. And beneath this shop people bustle by, passing a homeless man, and piles and piles of snow.
Last night I had a dream about Eloise (for those of you who don't know, she is my guitar). I miss her so much. I miss any kind of guitar to be honest. Last night my mom and I watched American idol. That was a dumb thing for me to do because it always puts me in a singy kind of mood. But last night I didn't have my guitar and I was very sad.

It's Tuesday

So its tuesday and all I can think about is that the new "what not to wear" is coming on tonight.
Right now I'm eating some tuna and its absolutely delicious. I'm pretty much getting really tired of fruit flavored things. It was time for some salt. The thing about tuna is that it's the first kind of "ruffage" I'm getting down my system and if I don't chew enough, I get the worst pain in the world for about 10 seconds.
This morning at breakfast I had milk for the first time in about a month.
We went to the mall today -just to go do something- and we were approached by a salesman at a kiosk. Cute young guy with a French accent and he offered me lotion. He didn't have to pursuade too much to go and listen to him. He buffed my thumb nail to show me his "really cool" (totally worthless) merchandise. I laughed as he went through his whole schpeal and when he asked if we were interested, my mom gave me the look and I had to decline. So then he offered me a free hand treatment. My mom wanted to go but I'm thinking "Hey, he's cute, he has an accent, is offering to make me look prettier, and it's free. There is no way this can't be good". I accepted and now my hands are -in his words- "soft as a baby's bottom".
We took the metro again today and I'm still impressed. I wanted to smile because of how giddy I was and how sophistcated I felt, but i wanted to blend so I played it cool. But seriously, it's like a freaken Disneyland ride! On the metro, is where i had my blonde moment today. We arrived at St. Laurent station and I thought that was where we were getting off so naturally I turned to exit. My mom quickly pulled my arm back and made a miniature scene ruining any chance I had with that really cute guy sitting in the corner with the orange coat that I had been subway stalking. I was embarrassed, but I forgot about it right after we got off.
So many adventures, but I'm still missing home. 5 more days and I can't wait to see you all!